Relationship Coaching

As Leif and I really step out into this ministry we are seeing more and more of a need for Relationship Coaching. SO MANY couples are in crisis right now be it financially, physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, etc. The past 5-6 years for most of us have been exceptionally difficult because of the economy and the amount of loss many of us have suffered. While we have been busy trying to repair our credit, our lives, our families, and our careers we haven’t done anything about our marriage or partnership! We just don’t put enough emphasis on it and think that it will all work itself out in the end. That end MAY be divorce court!

By NOT acknowledging what IS happening, right now, will end you up in divorce court. I know, and so does my “new” husband because we are both divorced. It isn’t anything I would recommend for anyone unless you have a situation that obviously calls for it. If you think you have experienced loss with the economy and your career, it fails in comparison to what you loose through divorce especially if you have children.

The number one thing I see today with couples is the FEAR to to COMMUNICATE about your commitment with each other. I don’t mean just the basic day to day conversation, I mean sitting down face to face, and having a CONVERSATION with each other about your feelings, concerns, ideas, and where this is going. Not yelling, not blaming, not finger pointing, and making excuses but TALKING, albeit passionately, about what is important to you and how you feel. When was the last time you had a conversation with your other half and really asked how their day was and truly cared? Or asked what you both would like to do in the next year, or 5 years, or even Saturday night?

Instead, we turn to friends, co-workers, family, the delivery guy and anyone else who has an ear. Anyone that is able to tolerate us telling the same story over and over again about how unhappy we are with our partner and if they would just do this one thing every thing would be ok bla, bla, bla!! UGH! How many of you do this? I did, for 17 years…and so did my current husband for 20 years!! His best friend told him “Look, until you deal with this, stop talking about it!” Alrighty then….’nough said.

What’s wrong with that picture?

While many of those people mean well with their advice, however, do they have your best intentions at heart? Do they not like your partner and use this opportunity to infiltrate their own agenda? Are they after your partner and are using this all as helpful information? What is their own relationship status like, what makes then an authority? Be careful who you share your dirty laundry with because there may be people looking to start trouble. Keep your family business between you and your family, always.

Now, I know that our partners may not be easy to talk with and often a simple discussion turns into a screaming match. It’s because BOTH of you are exhausted and frustrated. Both of you are like a match and when the other opens their mouth that is the fire to spark it. What once was a simple hello can quickly turn into a giant F*** Y**! The same argument surfaces time and time gain with each of you yelling louder and LOUDER so desperate to be heard!! You both just want to be heard and acknowledged, and the other won’t budge…you both HAVE to be right..sound familiar?

Yet we live in the same house together. We may not be in the same bed or share meals but we are in the house still….so….there may be a chance to turn this thing around. If not, then let’s get that out in the open as well. No sense on sitting on a divorce if that is where your heart truly lays. Coaching can also be a safe place to bring it up AND you may find the other person has been feeling the same way. or, you may find that it is an open window to begin dialogue.

Being a divorced couple, we know first hand the stresses couples face. We both were in long term marriages, we both have children, and we both thought we would never get divorced yet we both were the ones to file for the divorce. We understand your plight, we understand the complexity and we have been through MANY circumstances in our marriages and with each other and can address certain private matters safely and discreetly. It doesn’t matter your age, sexual orientation, race, or religion we all face challenges.

In an effort to expand our business and bring awareness to the world about the power of COACHING we are offering 2 couples a unique opportunity to enter your partnership into Relationship Coaching! You and your partner are eligible to receive 3 (THREE) 90 minute coaching sessions with my husband and I for 3 weeks. This way both sides feel represented and it isn’t 2 against 1! That is ONE session a week for THREE weeks. If you are interested please read the following and apply! We will be accepting applications for the next 5 days until March 11 and you will notified by email by March 13 if you were selected.

The Program

Are you LIVING AUTHENTICALY in your current relationship? Being AUTHENTIC means being who you truly are inside and outside of your relationship. That when you are either with your partner or out in the world you don’t have to change hats, you can truly be your happy and expressive self! You encourage each other to grow and expand. You nurture each other and take interest in their interests. You’re explorative and want to be adventurous. Being AUTHENTIC is not stifling your partners growth or possibilities while learning to create your own.

Does any of the following ring true for you with your partner:

• Have a spiritual connection.
• MUTUALLY satisfying sexual connection.
• Happy, successful, and growing TOGETHER!
• Truly able to express your love FREELY and without reserve.
• Share common goals, plans, desires!
• Happy to see each other at the end of the day!
• Have a direction that you are going in!
• Building a strong family foundation.
• Encouraging the other to follow their dreams.
• Being YOURSELF in all ways!

Or

• Lack of spiritual connection to each other
• Your partner doesn’t seem to understand you.
• You feel scared to talk about your true feelings.
• You feel humiliated in front of your partner.
• Your sex life is not satisfying.
• There is no sex life.
• You want to experience new things and they don’t.
• One or both of you have had an affair.
• Your growing apart and in different directions.
• Bringing up the past, playing the blame game.
• One of you is chronically ill.
• Parenting differences.

Why Coaching and not Therapy?

In certain circumstances traditional therapy does have its place. Relationship Coaching works differently than traditional therapy by not concentrating on the past but how do we move forward from here! The PAST IS OVER and we can’t go back and change it! So let it GO! If both members are willing, Relationship Coaching can help breath fresh, EXCITING life into a tired, worn out union! Traditional therapy keeps us in the “why”. Coaching is about action and we don’t care about the ‘why” we are concerned with the “how” and the “what”? How do we move forward and what steps do we take? That is coaching.

Directions

If you are interested in turning your current relationship around please send me and email at kristen@sacredcircleministry.com  with the basis if the problem you are having, your concerns and your desired result. This will be for 3 90 minute sessions, for 3 weeks. You both will be required to be present and have a desire to DO the work – no matter how dark and messy, and be willing to be vulnerable. BIG changes are going to occur! We are primarily looking for couples who would seriously benefit from this experience but could otherwise not afford it. To find out more about Leif and I and how we Coach visit us at www.scaredcircleministry.com and learn how we can help you!!

Thank you and Blessings Abound!

~Kristen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stepping Up and Stepping Out!

What lies hadn’t I dealt with in coaching? What demons hadn’t I faced? What secret was I keeping? I was addicted to opiates and through my education and experiences at school I was able to heal the root and underlying cause why I became addicted, yet again. This has been a giant 500,000 pound brick tied to my neck like a boulder from Hell. Every time I looked in the mirror all I saw was the words LIAR. I talked about my alcohol sobriety but not the current struggle. Half of me was embarrassed and the other half was afraid. I had planned on keeping my secret but then after talking with my husband Leif he assured me that this is the reason I am doing the work I am doing. He said I had to go through this final phase of addiction so I could relate to people who were suffering with opiates. He said that I wouldn’t have understood how painful withdrawal is, or how easy it is to become addicted to them. He said I wouldn’t have had the compassion and that I had to experience the full effect to truly be the kind of practitioner I wanted to be: Authentic.

That’s why I married him. Leif always has a way of looking at the positive side of things. He was right, I wasn’t in huge trouble like needing an intervention but I was definitely running with scissors. He said God isn’t going to let me fall instead he is going to raise me up even higher for having the courage to finally face my demons and get it right! It took the opiates to finally make me see that although I found sobriety I was in no way sober.

I had developed an addiction to Opiates following gallbladder surgery in July 2010. I had suffered for years with neck, back and leg pain and the Percocet they prescribed for after the surgery brought me extraordinary relief in those areas. When I told my physician he sent me for an MRI and it was discovered I had a progressive form of arthritis in my cervical vertebrae. The pain meds brought me incredible relief! Before then, I had never taken a pain pill stronger than Tylenol 3, I just didn’t want to take them. I was a drinker and you can’t drink if you’re taking pain meds so, I didn’t bother, I suffered instead. With the Percocet I felt alive again, I felt like I was on top of the world! I was teaching and I could go all day! I was finally sleeping good, I was so happy and my depression was lifting! It was utterly amazing how great I felt, it was literally the best time of my life. I quit drinking, quit smoking, I lost 35 pounds and I was getting healthy! All was good ………untiI I ran out of pills one day.

When I began the 10 week coaching course Richard had said something that I didn’t quite understand at the time. He told us all that we have a Divine Appointment being here in this class, meaning that there is someone in this classroom that will make a profound effect on my life. Looking around the room I didn’t think so, in fact there was someone in there that I had a past problem with.  He went on to say that possibly this opportunity had presented itself in other ways in the past and we didn’t take the chance. He said that if we were running late today or was still on the fence about taking the class we would have missed it again! All I can think of now is OMG I would have missed all of THIS! Back then though, after meeting the initial group I thought the only Divine appointment I would be having was to kick someone’s ass. Other than that, I didn’t think there were any messages for me. In reality, there were 3.

After finishing Life Coaching I began Hypnotherapy. Our teacher Linda Bennett is probably the foremost authority on not only hypnosis but the subconscious mind. The classes that are involved in hypnotherapy basically deal with the brain and how it works and “why” we take actions we do. I learned we also heal on a Soul level with Past Life Regression, Subconscious Intervention, and Spirit Release. There are a host of other things that really get into your head and soul and unlock those barriers keeping you trapped in negative ways. It’s a total mind blow but probably the single most profound concept I have ever discovered. I know some people say it’s bunk but let me tell you…the miracles it performed on me are nothing short of amazing. I felt bad I was transitioning off the Oxy onto a new medicine when I began her classes, it was incredibly challenging but exactly where I needed to be. In each stage of my recovery I began a new class that coincided with the program. I believe it was nothing short of Divine intervention. Bit by bit, piece by piece I began to understand why I have the problems I do, and how to correct them.

That is what I want to bring to my clients; the keys to being healthy in whatever way it means to you. We each have our demons; be it drugs, food, sex, money, men, women, gambling, etc. Each of us gravitates to those particular items for a particular reason. The key to honest to goodness recovery from any of those addictions and more is getting down and digging deep all the way into the subconscious and unlocking that box that is holding the information needed to be discovered. Until then, you will never be truly healed. That initial sensitizing event, the situation that caused the belief that you needed that particular addiction to feel better has to be found. If not, you will keep making the same choices and repeating the same behavior over and over again. It’s a different type of therapy. Until you find out “why” you will never know the ‘how”.

I am Stepping Up and Stepping Out into the Light by sharing this with you. I feel better being open and knowing that possibly someone will read this today that will need the same kind of help I did. This kind of work is never done, there is always something to be working on.

Thank you for reading my blog!! Please feel free to comment and share experiences you have had in any of these areas!

In light,

Kristen

 

What Exactly is a Life Coach?

*This article is the first of a 3 part series regarding the Advanced Life Coaching Seminar I attended this past weekend at the South West Institute of Healing Arts (SWIHA) and the events leading up to it. This is a story of phenomenal spiritual growth and awareness that can occur when someone trusts their instincts and opens themselves up to possibilities of God/Universe/Spirit.*

When I first started Life Coaching many of my my friends asked me “What the heck is a Life Coach?”   I said “I’m not exactly sure… but I think it’s what I am supposed to be doing.” I owned an eyelash extension studio, in fact, I had just started the business but somehow I already knew I made a mistake. I showed up on a Friday night for the weekend intensive Life Coaching kick off. After listening to the facilitators talk about what Life Coaching was and how it would impact my life and how I will be changed forever it sounded pretty intriguing. My life was a complete mess at the moment, so I was game. We were divided into groups of 2 and I went through the weekend in a series of very uncomfortable exercises that involved asking “powerful” questions of my partner in order to find out where they had hidden obstacles or blocks in their life. Everyone was talking about these powerful questions, I kept asking myself “What does that mean, a powerful question? Am I the only person who doesn’t get this? What are powerful questions and how do I find them, are they on a list somewhere or something?”

Everyone seemed to know what to do and everyone I was paired up with was not very encouraging. Then we went through some very pleasant guided meditations so I really enjoyed that. I felt relaxed and thought ok well, this is kind of cool. I never really did that before, go through a guided meditation. It’s a form of hypnosis designed to quiet your mind and allow you to look deep within yourself. Then all of a sudden, people were crying, claiming “spiritual break-through” and enormous healing was taking place. Everyone was hugging, saying that God was in the house and all of this was a Divine appointment. All this excitement and people laughing and claiming to feel God and see God. I thought” Why would God be in a Life Coaching seminar? What did I stumble into? What did I get myself into?” I was NOT at all religious and barely had any spirituality about me, and I really didn’t care to try it on at the moment. I was actually kind of perturbed at the fact we were discussing “religion” at a public seminar.

Over all, it was a nice seminar. The facilitators’ were extraordinary in the fact I never heard this kind of talk before, it was a new way of learning things as they introduced a new perspective to life. Although I didn’t understand it all I was at least interested in hearing more. Something just kept telling me I had to be there. They really laid into the fact of having to have a spiritual base, a foundation of something to believe in greater than ourselves, that we were not created to be here alone, we are in Spirit always. I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist. We refer to God as God, Universe,Spirit, or GUS. They said “We are Spirits Beings having a Human Experience.” More religion, I thought, but it wasn’t SO bad. As Life Coaches, in their perspective, we need a spiritual balance because the answers for our clients  don’t come from us. During a coaching session the answers come from the client. We are simply a conduit, or a vessel for God/Spirit/The Universe to flow through us and work with the client. We just keep vigilant, or hold space, listen and be supportive. We ask open ended questions (found out that’s what “powerful” meant) designed to let the client look deep with in themselves to find their own answers. In coaching we believe the client holds all the answers for themselves. When working in a spiritual nature, we allow Spirit to be a part of the process allowing for the highest attainment of knowledge and assistance. Ok, that’s not so bad I guess, I began trying it on…a little.

The last exercise involved a small business portion where we had to work in groups of 3’s and pitch our Life Coaching business. We had to pretend we had a business card and do little 1 minute presentations to each other about why we would be great coaches. Ok cool, I’m a business owner this will be a breeze. So, I get in my group, made my presentation and this lady looked at me and said “That is the worst “sell” I have ever heard in my entire life. If you gave me your business card I would tear it up and throw it in the garbage. You’re terrible!” Alrighty then….maybe Life Coaching wasn’t in my future.

I did somehow find the courage to come back for the 10 week course and upon entering the class I saw someone in there I did not want to see. Someone I had a large problem with in the past. My head is reeling now, what is going on here? My teacher took the attitude with me that I was “in my head” and I think somewhere in his head at the time dismissed me as being potentially nuts. I felt like everyone was against me, everything just was an unpleasant experience and I had no idea why. I was uncomfortable, terrified, lonely, and unsure. So with that in mind I came back every week, twice a week still trying to figure out what powerful questions were and how I was going to change my life and others. All around me at school people kept talking about how amazing Life Coaching is and I looked at them in such dismay thinking What was so wonderful? What wasn’t I getting? Why are my sessions so stumbly? What is wrong with me?

What I didn’t know at the moment was that I was having a Spiritual Crisis. I had been operating my whole life with out any kind of spiritual foundation. I believed in God, that “someone” may have been up there, but I didn’t think He was for me. I felt like my crimes of the past were too severe for God, plus somewhere it didn’t make sense to me. I have never talked about religion or had any interest in it, really. I dabbled in a few things here or there but here, in this school, Spirit was everywhere, I was faced with the daily dilemma of hearing about it and the teachers bringing “It” into our class. I used to think “Can’t we do all this work with out God being involved?” Thank God that was one of the few times I decided NOT to voice my thoughts, I would have totally embarrassed myself.

Even though I had left Michigan 3 years prior and found sobriety, I had a whole lot of baggage that I needed to address and dismantle and the only way to do it was through Spirit. My husband lovingly pushed me along on this path, somewhere probably hoping that I would hear the message I needed to hear to finally get well. I wasn’t happy about being at SWIHA anymore; I felt rebellion building up in me and I was becoming angry at the thought of being there, talking about God and the Angels and Spirit guides and all that other stuff. I wasn’t getting along well in the class and started really disliking Life Coaching. I wasn’t making any friends and I began pulling myself back deeper with in my shell. I began feeling overwhelmed with sadness and guilt.

Little did I know what would happen next….