Heart to Heart Relationship Recovery Institute Announces New Show!!

Welcome to Heart to Heart with Leif and Kristen Burkhardt – Hanson talking with guests about the diversity they face in their relationships. Listeners worldwide will hear courageous and inspiring stories from … couples about how they personally battled circumstances such as: alcoholism, addiction, domestic violence, Infidelity, long term illness, previous divorces and so much more!

By overcoming their own unique set of circumstances, Leif and Kristen know first-hand how these issues can either destroy a marriage or make it stronger. They believe that by going out into the community and sharing honest and intimate heart to heart conversations enlightens’ people to the possibility of healing their own problems. They will also discuss how the effect of life coaching, clinical hypnotherapy, building and relying upon a spiritual foundation was the difference between success and separation for their marriage!            

The subject matter that will be covered is what happens when one of the individuals in the relationship has any of the following circumstances either before the relationship started or it developed during:

• Alcoholism
• Addiction )drugs, sex, love, etc.)
• Abuse
• Chronic/Long Term Illness
• Infidelity
• Domestic Violence
• Unable to Set Boundaries/Unable to Speak your Truth
• Had Had a Divorce, or a Few Divorces
• Is part of a Step Family
• Has Low Self Esteem/Self Worth

Have you or anyone in the immediate family come down with a long term sickness/sudden health change?

• Cancer
• Heart Attack
• Autoimmune
• Alzheimer’s
• Parkinson’s
• Stroke
• Etc..

One or both partners have a history of:

• Sexual abuse
• Childhood abuse
• Sexual assault
• Domestic violence
• Anger issues
• Lying/Narcissistic tendencies

Additional thoughts:

• How did faith play a role?
• What happens when these issues come up and have you handled it?
• Did anyone receive counseling?
• Are they still ongoing?
• What is the residual damage?

Other topics that may be intertwined:

• Have you been divorced and is this a second, third, or more marriage?
• Blending families where one of the new members has any of the above issues?
• Is there ongoing problems with the ex-spouse, the children?
• Is there/ has there been domestic violence in the home?

Show Agenda:

Each show will have different guests with a different topic.

There will be the opportunity for listeners World Wide to call in and participate and share their stories or learn how to make changes within themselves. This will involve intimate conversations between Leif, Kristen and the couple regarding the situation:

• What was it?
• Who was involved?
• What was happening during this time?
• What were your thoughts, fears, actions?
• What made you decide to get help, what course did you take, how did you feel about that?
• How are you now, what has changed, what are you still working on?
• What is your outlook, what words of wisdom do you have for others in a similar situation?
• Plus much more!

Join Heart to Heart with the Hansons weekly at 7 pm Sunday Evenings, click on the link right below us:

http://radio.hearttoheartrri.com

If you’re interested in being a GUEST on the show please click on the link below to go to the Heart to Heart website for the show application!

Heart to Heart Relationship Recovery Institute

http://www.hearttoheartrri.com

 

 

 

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Why is Everyone I Date an Idiot??!!

Well, maybe not an idiot but you get the point. Why is it that everyone you date doesn’t seem to have their crap together? Why do you go from person to person to person always finding something wrong with them? Or every relationship you start either goes up in flames or sinks like a ship? For whatever reason there just doesn’t seem to be any reprieve and the last person you dated was worse than the last! Your friends and family are beginning to think you will be eternally single and you think that there will never be the RIGHT person!! Let’s look at that for a moment…..who IS the RIGHT person and why can’t you meet them?

How many of you meet a guy or a girl and everything seems alright until about the third date? Then, after that you seem to find something wrong with them; some habit, their style, the way they chew their food, etc. Or, you think it’s a good idea to talk about meeting your parents and what are their thoughts on marriage? I used to be the kind of person that dated losers. Every guy was worse off than the last; no car, no job, and riding a friend’s couch. My dad would cringe every time he opened the door and see some long-haired, unemployed, guy without a hope in the world. I dated men who hurt me, abused me, lied to me, stole from me..You know the story. The only thing I didn’t have happen was get a venereal disease or get pregnant. No wait, I lied, I did and actually had a miscarriage.

I thought that was as good as I could do, I didn’t feel like I was worthy of dating anyone better. I didn’t feel very good about myself inside, and I didn’t look good on the outside. My outer appearance affected my inner turmoil. I was either angry all the time or heavily intoxicated. I just couldn’t seem to pull it or myself together. I just felt so hopeless, and so desperate to have someone love me I looked in all the wrong places and went with just about any guy. I thought that if someone loved me then everything would be ok. I just wanted someone to make me feel better.

My poor choice in men began when I was a teenager. I dated a guy who lied to me and cheated on me. He cheated because he could…and all the girls loved him and he knew it. I stayed with him for a few years because I believed somewhere in my demented head that he loved me too and if I were just BETTER than I currently was he would stop cheating and be happy with me. I made his cheating problem all about me. I internalized his need for infidelity and made it about myself. Sound familiar? I did everything I could from dressing as pretty as I could, to trying all the hottest sex moves, to being at his beck and call. I was a very sick individual at the time. What I didn’t know that staying with that person would set the precedence for a life of pain, disappointment, and lack of trust in anyone or anything. I already had incredibly low self-esteem when I met this person to begin with and he was the icing on a very shitty cake.

By the time I met my first husband I was 23 and he was 30. I had my children with him and was married for 14 years. My alcoholism continued to escalate because that relationship cemented in me the fact that I was worthless, ugly, fat, stupid, and not worth the dirt off of someone’s shoes. I was angry and I was hateful and I just gave up. I figured I would drink myself to death and it will all be over. I believed that this lifetime was just a horrible mistake, besides the birth of my daughters I had no good memories and certainly nothing to look forward to. In my mind it was over…I couldn’t find it within myself to change my perspective. I prayed for death…I prayed that it would come quickly and each morning when I woke up still awake I became even more depressed.

When I finally divorced my husband I rented an apartment with my 2 daughters. I feel sorry for them because they saw me in ways no child should have to see their mother. I can’t change that, but I did change the way I moved forward. I met a nice man, my current husband, and he too had his own unique blend of damage. It was through meeting him that I began to THINK about changing my life, I just didn’t know how. He inspired me to be a better mother for my children and a better woman for my own sake. I had no idea how to go about it but by exchanging stories and learning from each other I began to think maybe……just maybe I had a second chance in me….maybe.

After a 3 year long distant relationship I eventually moved to Arizona with my daughters. While my relationship with Leif was OK, we both were experiencing residual problems from our first marriages. He was married to his first wife for 17 years and he too has 2 children. What we have learned through our education to become Life Coaches is that until we resolve the initial incidents that caused the problems we currently have we are doomed to repeat the choices of the past. We will make the same benevolent choices over and over again and it doesn’t matter WHO we date, our behavior will naturally occur. To move forward and get into healthy, fulfilling, and long lasting relationships with quality people the changes must occur from within us.

The one thing I know just as equally as I know about addiction is love and the lack there of it. I know that the work I had to do over the past 2 years was paramount in my relationship recovery. I had to heal the broken parts of me before I could really see who I was AND where I wanted to go. My husband had to go through it as well to heal his issues. Then, together we learned to encapsulate the true essence of a loving, trusting marriage. The work is hard, and reliving some situations are painful but until we get dirty and really release those problems and those people we won’t have the relationships we want with anyone!

It isn’t just about having a happy marriage; relationship recovery is for all the relationships in your life including your children, your parents, co-workers and the general public. Only you can make the changes necessary for your success. You can’t hold the world hostage because of your previous experiences! Potential partners do not deserve what has happened to your, and they can’t be punished for your poor choices of the past and the damage you have received. That is OUR problem, not there’s and if we do treat each new person like our last partner..we will never find what we are looking for. It will only repeat itself time and time again!

Relationship Recovery is for all people in all phases of life and it doesn’t matter if you are married or single. It doesn’t matter if you have been married for 50 years or 5 minutes, the time to make those critical changes is now. If you’re single, this is a perfect time to address your personal issues and prepare yourself for a relationship that is worthy of you! Nothing will change until you do…..

To learn more see www.sacredcircleministry.com!

In Light!

Kristen

 

Trust

How trusting are you in your life? Do you feel insecure and have low self esteem? Do you get jealous easily? Do you feel like you can’t believe what people tell you? Have you been cheated on and lied to? What led you to not having trust in your life? Would you be interested in learning how to get it back, even if it meant some hard work?

I have had problems with trust for as long as I can remember. I think it comes from my childhood and living in such an unstable environment. My father was an alcoholic and he literally drank every day of my life until I was 18 years old. I never felt stable, or secure, I always felt uneasy and not knowing what was going to happen next. Those memories haunt me until today. I say haunts because my memories feel like ghosts just hanging out that I can’t send back to the light.

Growing up a I had a few boyfriends but one guy became the love of my life as a teenager. I never really had anyone to love or say “I love you’ to me like that. I felt like love was something I would never experience so when he told me that he loved me I believed him. We were together for a few years. We were two peas in a pod and totally inseparable. Then he cheated on me, not once but several times. He even cheated on me with my best friend and probably more people than I care to know. I forgave him, and I forgave him again. My friends and family thought I was crazy but I thought if I loved him enough he wouldn’t cheat on me. I felt like it was all my fault. I did everything I could; I always dressed nice, I kept myself thin, I was athletic, I was very sexual and adventurous, and I always thought of him first. None of it mattered. He was a cheater and I found out that 30 years later he is still is….. and he has a 3rd wife.

I had a string of just less than good relationships that I am not even going to go into. But the final straw was when I dated another guy who was also an alcoholic he also slept with ANOTHER friend of mine. The hits just kept coming. I felt like the biggest LOSER God ever created so I packed up my stuff and moved to California. That’s when I really got into trouble, that’s when I really started with the drugs. I did not want to feel anything or anyone I just wanted to be as stoned, as stoned could be. No lie, I just packed it up and shipped it out. I had enough of Detroit and I was moving on.

I was lonely and desperate using drugs at an early age because I needed comfort. I needed a safe place to fall. I also looked to men for that comfort and while I was fun for them to play around with, they fell short on the commitment side. I truly was looking for love in all the wrong places. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong with these men!  What I learned later was the choices in men that I made, not what I did wrong. I was so far down emotionally I wasn’t in the right mindset to place value on myself. I didn’t know I was really a good person and deserved to be treated nicely and with respect. I thought I deserved all of the mistreatment I had received.

I kicked the drugs and came back to Michigan, and I met my first husband. Out of the frying pan and RIGHT into the fire. I thought he was my knight in shining armor, he was an older guy, good looking, had plenty of money and loved to party. I married him and while he was always faithful and never cheated on me, his verbal abuse killed off any self esteem and security I had left. After a few years into the relationship I felt so bad about myself I didn’t believe anyone would want me. I dove deeper and deeper into alcohol desperately trying to kill any nerve ending that was exposed so I would not have to feel any more pain. I would drink myself to sleep every night until I passed out, I couldn’t stand to be awake. There were times I still prayed for death because death would have been so much better.

After the divorce I had NO trust or faith in men or women. I didn’t have any hope in myself or even in my outlook. I was truly hope-less. I worked a job every day, struggled to feed my kids, and just still prayed for death because that would be the relief I so desperately needed from this life. Then things began to change. I met a man, who is now my husband, who had equally the same amount of damage but in different ways. We had a long distance relationship so we spent HOURS talking on the phone about our lives, our marriages, and our situations. Gradually, through sharing stores and developing a relationship we began to heal big chunks of ourselves.

Fast forward today and I am much stronger and healthier than what I was…except for one little thing. Trust. I still can not seem to let myself trust on a level that would allow me to live a much more meaningful life. I worry, I get in my own way, and I wish it would stop. I wish I could just wake up and ENJOY the day and not have these worries and thoughts. I wish I could feel more confident.

I have found great strength much improvement through Hypnotherapy, in particular Subconscious Intervention. By way of hypnotic trance I was actually able to go back and have a conversation with my father and ask him questions about why he was the way he was. I found our he was doing the best he could based on the information he had at the time. He had his own problems in childhood and he truly was acting out of what he knew. Just like I did, I was drunk almost every single day of my kids lives until they were 16, so I understood. I also learned that the men in my life who hurt me did so because I allowed it. I had co-dependency issues, love addiction, alcoholism, and I was a mess! I hug out with people who were in the same boat as me.

Thee are so many healing possibilities with Hypnotherapy! If you are ready to take a step forward in your life and begin to look at these ghosts you have hanging around, Hypnotherapy offers so many different ways of achieving that. Please visit my website at http://sacredcircleministry.com and look into the Hypnotherapy area. You can learn ways to release those feelings and gain incredible insight into your life. No matter how far down you are, and I was down, you can get back up again, you can have a beautiful life!!

The damage did not get there over night and it will not leave over night. I know there are many of you with stories similar and much worse than mine. I believe by sharing my stories I will show that there are ways to get better, ways you may not have ever thought about. If you or someone you know is having problems moving forward in life, please send them to my website! Thank you!

In light,

Kristen

 

Love Addiction with Co-Dependency

I heard it in the movie Juno that the best you can hope for is to “Find someone who loves you for exactly who you are.” Maybe it’s slightly paraphrased but you get the point. Isn’t that what we all want? To be accepted and loved for who we are; good, bad, or indifferent? How many of us go searching in all the wrong places for that? Or try to change ourselves to fit into the mold of what someone else wants? I mean, really think about it and your past experiences in relationships. How many people did you actually date that were interested in you for exactly who you were and didn’t have some kind of personal agenda?  I’m sure there are a few of you who have been blessed early in life with finding that ‘once in a lifetime’ partner and I applaud you, sincerely! I’m glad you haven’t had to experience the heartaches and disappointment many of us have felt. I know I have dated some guys that….for lack of a better term were TOTAL LOSERS!! I don’t even know what I was thinking sometimes. Onward….

I dated men that weren’t emotionally available, I dated men who didn’t like women very much. I dated men that didn’t even like themselves very much. In my first marriage I ultimately married a guy like that. I thought, love was all I needed. I believed that if I found the right guy that everything would be ok. I thought I could change him and once we got married we would have this happy little family and all the bad stuff will go away. I put up with so much bad behavior from my boyfriends and then my first husband that I cringe just thinking about it now. I loved the feeling of falling in love; meeting that new guy and having that connection, and I would look for it often. The only time I broke up with someone was because I already had another guy in the wings. If I got broken up with I’d be on the hunt that night looking or a new love so I would feel better. I was highly codependent; thinking that I could fix any man with any kind of problem if I loved him enough. I believed I could change into what ever he wanted.  But I never received any love back and couldn’t figure out why that was. I would ask myself “What is wrong with me?” Am I too ugly? Am I too fat? Am I not good enough? I thought that if I became the perfect person that they would have to love me…..I thought love was the answer to everything and that if someone loved me enough and if I loved them that nothing else mattered.

I lost friends, rejected my family and lost interests in things that mattered to me. I allowed their world to become my world and took on behaviors that weren’t mine. I exchanged the person I was for the person they wanted me to be. I changed my style, my hair, my weight, and my image. I thought that if I were just “good enough” they would love me. When I was rejected (which was plenty of times) I took it to mean that there was something wrong with me, not that possibly the guy was a total a-hole, but that I had the problem. Can you imagine? Maybe some of you can resonate! I hurt so badly inside during these times, I just can’t believe that I was so desperate. I sacrificed my career, education, and chances to travel. I just lost any part of me that made Kristen who she was and I did it on purpose! I was out of control and my friends were just sick of me and my drama. Crazy with a booze bottle….that was me.

When I created this life coaching and hypnotherapy business I was so excited because I wanted to help so many people with afflictions such as mine. Yet as I began to lay out my business plan I saw just how screwed up in life I was. Truly. I mean, just look at my list of specialties!  How did I get this way? When did I loose my way in the world and end up with all of these problems? What kind of life plan did I lay out for myself before I came here because this lifetime has been a doozy. Maybe I am planning some kind of big  final exit. Maybe this is my last time coming around and I want to go out with a bang!! Yeah that’s it! I’m so glad I finally have a chance to heal my life, and heal those memories. It’s ok, because if I didn’t go through them I wouldn’t be able to help others who are suffering.

So what is Love Addiction and how do you know if you have it? It’s being addicted to that intoxicated feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting! It’s that rush that someone finds you interesting and you find them interesting. It can be a sexual attraction, and often Love and Sex Addiction goes hand in hand much like Love addiction and Co-dependency. Here is the best description I found from Love Addiction Treatment Center:

*“While the desire to love and be loved is perfectly normal, the intoxicating feeling of being “in love” can be addictive for some individuals. If you’ve ever been in love, you know how powerful it can be. Suddenly your world is completely turned upside down. You feel an excitement – an energy, if you will – that makes everything seem new and wonderful. Some people describe it as feeling like they were walking on air. It’s natural to want this euphoric feeling to last forever.

Of course, most people realize that the wonderful initial feeling of new love doesn’t (and can’t) last forever. In healthy long-term relationships, the initial love gradually gives way to a more mature love – one that is perhaps less intoxicating and euphoric, but ultimately much more fulfilling and stable. For those prone to love addiction, however, the loss of that initial euphoria is akin to the crash that drug addicts feel when their drug of choice wears off. They crave the “high” and begin the search for another fix. Love addicts are no different, which is why they often go from one relationship to the next once the initial high wears off.”

Do you think you have a Love Addiction with Co-Dependency issue?

• Do you fall in love easily and quickly?
• Do you think that you are nothing with out a partner?
• Do you base your self worth on the fact of having a partner or not?
• Do you get jealous and feel possessive easily?
• Do you find yourself dating anyone who asks you?
• Are you always looking for your next relationship?
• Do you sabotage your relationships just so you can start a new one?
• Do you search for high risk partners thinking your love can fix them?
• Do you stay in unhealthy relationships because you believe your love is enough for the both of you?
• Do you equate sex to love?
• If you have sex with someone do you now believe this is a relationship?
• Do you have sex with anyone who asks, thinking it is because they like/love you?
• Do you believe you are unlovable?
• Were you rejected early in life from your parents or caregivers?
• When you go on a date you immediately size the person up for marriage?
• Do you sacrifice friends and family for your partner?
• Partake in activities you know are dangerous just to make them happy? (drugs, alcohol, sex)
• You loose interest in your friends, activities, and job?
• Do your friends and family cringe every time you have a new “relationship”?
• Are you mentally and physically exhausted at the thought of leaving a bad relationship?
• Do you tolerate physical and verbal abuse because you think you deserve it?

If any of these symptoms ring true for you, you may be suffering from Love Addiction with Co-Dependency. Hypnotherapy and Coaching truly worked wonders for me by getting to the root of my problems. I had very low self esteem and self worth. It made such a difference in my second marriage. I was already on the road to healing when I met him but going through the training enabled me to shed the remaining parts of me that were not healthy. My second husband and I have been working very hard on our issues because we want a healthy, stable, and rewarding lifestyle!

Please visit my website at www.sacredcircleministry.com for a complete overview of services to see how we may be able to help you! You don’t have to live like this, it may be hard work to transform behaviors but it is so much more rewarding. Relationships are meant to be an additive or a compliment to who we are, not something to change us. However, in order to find someone to love us for exactly who we are, we have to be ready. By being ready means being healthy and leaving the other baggage behind. Until we change we will live the same pattern over and over wishing we will get better.

In light

Kristen

*From www.loveaddictiontreatment.com

 

7 Ways to Begin a Spiritual Foundation

I am preparing for a presentation in my Universal Laws class tonight and the “7 Laws” is my presentation piece. It’s been no secret I have had a difficult time connecting to a spiritual foundation even though I had become a minister. I just knew that is what I had to do and the rest would follow. My job is to help others connect to their spiritual-ness, and not really be concerned about my own. People say “Well, how can you teach someone what you don’t even know yourself?” I said “Easily, I  don’t have to have the answers, I only have to have the questions.” As a Life Coach or a minister it isn’t my job to tell anyone what to believe, it is simply my privilege to ask powerful questions and hold space while my clients contemplate their meaning of spirituality. It’s a beautiful position to be in, that’s for sure. If I were in Ego, or in my head worrying about not having all the answers, I would have to wait to obtain a Ph.D from Princeton Seminary before I felt ready. Trust me, the teacher for this class has just that and his knowledge runs deep and wide. At first I was intimidated now I just soak it up.

Our assignment was to create a presentation based on some of the Spiritual Laws we had studies in class or we can research and make up our own. We looked at the Course of Miracles, and nothing there resonated. I looked at the 11 Insights of the Celestine Prophecy, still no connection. We read Doreen Virtue’s break down of the Kybalion (Hermetic teachings) called Divine Magic: The 7 Sacred Secrets of Manifestation and while it was great, they weren’t speaking to me. However, for a Doreen Virtue book that one really clued me into some energetic and Universal factors I didn’t know. I looked further into several other beliefs and nothing seemed to fit at all and then I came across Deepak Chopra’s “7 Keys to Success”. Now, don’t get too excited because I found at least 55 different versions of this online, including at least 5 from Deepak himself! There are the 7 Laws of Success, 7 Laws of Spiritual Success, 7 Laws of Spirituality, and the 7 Laws of Being Spiritually  Successful. No lie.

It’s the same core concepts but with different twist each time. It isn’t bad it just show’s Mr. Chopra’s advancement in his own spiritual growth. The laws themselves have held the test of time, and I thought maybe they would work for me.  So, I just picked this version and decided to change it up like everyone else has to fit my own interpretation. Once I got into it though it really made a  profound impact on me, I really resonated with the laws in relation to my own  growth. I added my own personal spin and made them unique to me.

The Universe is full of energy and it is attracted to other things that have energy. Have you heard of The Laws of Attraction? It means that what we give thought or action to (energy)  is the outcome we will have.  What you give attention to attracts energy for the Universe. We want to be highly vibrating individuals but often we aren’t, we are full of darkness and things that don’t allow us to shine. We vibrate at the lowest levels, far away from the universe so we don’t get any of the good effects it offers. By building a spiritual foundation we begin to vibrate, higher and higher and each time we take a step we get better. As we get better and heal a piece of us rises to join the Universe. We are now building a direct link and we begin an exchange with the Universe and our life begins to turn around.

Deepak Chopra’s 7 Keys to Success

Step 1. The Law of Pure Potentiality: “The source of all creation is pure consciousness… pure potentiality seeking expression from the un-manifest to the manifest. And when we realize that our true Self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in the universe.”

*Our first step on our spiritual journey is accepting ourselves exactly as we are. By discovering our “True” self  and know who you really are, it’s in the “knowing” that you have the ability to fulfill any dream you wish. When we were born we were born with pure potential, we had the ability to make manifest anything we wanted. But Ego and mankind influenced our thoughts and ideas. We began to “think” we knew what was good for us, and not trust the Universe. By removing what we think, and our Ego, and accepting ourselves fully for who we are is when we will begin our spiritual journey.

Step 2: The Law of Giving: “The universe operates through dynamic exchange of giving and receiving. They are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.“

* When we are in darkness; being abused, being addicted or experiencing anything that takes away our Light we aren’t able to give or to receive. By getting into service and doing for others we begin the energy exchange, albeit a small one, it is action. It takes our focus off ourselves and puts it on those who need it. When we gain strength and begin to build upon that giving, we raise our vibrations a little more until we are eventually able to take care of ourselves. As we learn to take care of ourselves we are able to experience giving and receiving happily.

Step 3: The law of Karma: “Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind – what we sow is what we reap. And when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success.”

*What goes around, comes around. I don’t believe Karma is one big thing hanging up in the Heaven’s waiting to punish us. The Universe it is a Universal system of “like attracts like” energy. When we are not living our best life and making poor choices, poor consequences will follow. Not because someone upstairs is punishing us but because that is the natural law of energy. If there is happening over to the left be it good or bad the energy will go to the left. If something is happening on the right, the Universe picks up there is action on the right and goes there. The Universe is beyond having to decide what is right or what is wrong, it just goes where it feel’s other energy. As we learn to live our lives better we send out more positive energy thus attracting more positive energy and this results in good Karma.

Step 4: Law of Least Effort: “Nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease  with carefreeness, harmony, and love. And when we harness the forces of harmony, joy, and love, we create success and good fortune with effortless ease.“

*As humans we were born with the  natural ability to love, have harmony and experience joy. When a new baby looks at his mother he looks at her through eyes of pure love, he doesn’t know any other way. Animals respond in much the same way. In nature, flowers don’t try to bloom, birds don’t try to fly, and humans can’t try to love. It is to be occurring naturally, but again, we get in Ego and thought, and negativity, and other emotions not serving us take over. We can actually learn to hate. Least Effort is when we love, unconditionally, lifting our vibrations so high that negativity and hate have no place. Emotions like shame, guilt, and fear can’t live in a body vibrating that high. With practice and in time we can be restored back to love, harmony, and joy and increasing our vibrations even more.

Step 5: Law of intention and Desire: “Inherent in every intention and desire is the mechanics for its fulfillment.  Intention and desire in the field of pure potentiality have infinite organizing power. And when we introduce an intention in the fertile ground of pure potentiality, we put this infinite organizing power to work for us.“

*This is what the Laws of Attraction are about; what intention we set is what action we receive. If we say we will fail a test, we will fail the test. If we say we will win the race, we will win the race. What we worry about comes true as well. What ever we give energy to in thought, happens. We do this enough and a thought can become a pattern, and a pattern can becomes a way of life. This alone can cause us to vibrate at a lower level. Set our intention high and in a good place and you will naturally attract what you want.

Step 6: Law of Detachment: “In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty. In the wisdom of uncertainty list the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.“

*Relinquishing attachment to the end result. Attachment is based on fear and insecurities. When we try to control an outcome we have our own energy on it, so we have taken from the Universe. When we “Let Go and Let God” we are saying we trust that the outcome will be the best for us. In this case there is no good or bad, it is just an outcome. When we release our thoughts around it, the answer will always be as it should. It may not be what we want, but it is always the right answer. Think back to all the unanswered prayers you felt you didn’t receive. How many of those were a blessing in disguise?

Step 7: The Law of Dharma: “Everyone has a purpose in life a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.“

*Dharma, Karma. I heard of karma but never heard of dharma before this year. It literally means living the best life possible. This reminds me of the show Dharma and Greg. Most people thought she was a nut, especially Greg’s parents. Yet, she truly was the quintessential image of Dharma. She loved unconditionally, she always saw the good in people and things, she was always positive, she was compassionate, non judgmental, she was Vegan, and couldn’t hurt a fly. She saw the optimism in everything! For as messed up as her parents were on the show, they raised one hell of a kid. Imagine if we raised our kids to see the world like that and to BE in the world like that? Could you imagine the shift?

I was about having hope, hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day and that I am still alive for a reason. When God calls us back, our time here is done and our lessons have been learned. After years and years of wishing I wasn’t alive anymore I finally came to the understanding that I must have something pretty powerful to learn. My only hope now is that God will keep me around long enough to enjoy it. You may or not be a spiritual person, I certainly wasn’t and my life always ran amuck. I had one of those lives that I was all over the place, very miserable, and had no grounding force. Slowly but surely I am getting those foundations down. When we live our life by a code, or a set of rules it enables us to have something to build upon. It isn’t about being “holy” it’s about being present and ready! Feel free to take these 7 Laws of Success and alter them to your understanding!

Blessings,

~Kristen

 

What Exactly Is a Life Coach? (part 2)

Fast forward just over a year, I’ve now completed the Life Coaching program, completed the Clinical Hypnotherapy program and successfully became an Ordained Minister!  Yes, during the process of the past 18 months I took a course in Spiritual Studies and became a minister. Not a “holy” minister per say but more like a Celebrant, or a person who does their work from a spiritual sense. I now believe in a Higher Power. I was at such a crisis during my ordination because I had this intense Calling to do so, although I didn’t have a particular path to follow. My current teachers assured me that this was ok, it was on it’s way, and that I was at the point of a spiritual awakening. This is just an incredible twist!  I was sitting in school last Spring in one of my psychology classes and I heard a voice that said “People need you, become ordained, it’s the only way you will be able to do it.” I kept saying “I’m not sure about my beliefs in God/Spirit! I think you have the wrong person here!” There was no way anyone or any Spirit would be asking ME to become ordained, I’m sorry. The only way I can explain it was afterwards a silent knowing had been placed inside me. Somehow I knew God/Spirit will speak to me again when the time is right and I will know the path to choose. I believe right now He is more interested in me developing my faith in Him, period.

A few weeks have past and there was some scuttle going around that my original teacher, Richard Seaman owner and creator of Seattle Life Coach Training, would be facilitating the Advanced Life Coaching class on this particular weekend at SWIHA. I looked at my schedule and breathed a sigh of relief! I had Reiki scheduled that weekend, no problem! I am off the hook! I was afraid of Richard, I allowed myself to be intimidated and I didn’t  feel that I could be myself in his class. I know now it was because I was hiding myself. Several of my friends were anxiously chatting about Richard coming to teach the class and they wanted me to join them and I said  “No, I have Reiki, sorry!” Secretly, I was smiling inside, thinking Thank God, I can’t face this right now. I can’t face Richard and have him know I have been a failure in my coaching. Not that he would care and make me feel bad, but my insecurities began to flow in like a river out of control. Fear welled up in my throat and I just wanted to run. I wanted to run as fast as I could from school and never come back. There were things I knew I had not addressed in school to heal from and they were holding me back, I knew this, I knew that they would be exposed in this class and I was not ready. I thought I could still have a successful business by not ‘coming clean’ all the way. See, if you don’t take care of your own stuff, how dare you think you can help someone with theirs. That is a coaching motto. I thought I did enough work so I could manage. I think I was wrong…

As the date crept closer, a school administrator and I were talking in another class when she mentioned to me that Richard would be coming back to teach. I told her about my Reiki class and how unfortunate the whole situation was and I couldn’t make it. She looked at me and said “Reiki comes around all the time, who cares!” She went on to say “Richard may not be coming back to teach this, you can take Reiki any old time.” Ugh. That shot through the heart and I almost choked on my own lack of air. This sickening feeling ensued me and I felt the world was slipping away. Horror grasped my body and I sat there suddenly realizing that I have to slay the beast! Not Richard but my fear. The next day I called my guidance counselor and reluctantly asked to be put on the list.

As the day drew closer I began to have anxiety, doubt, fear, pain, and bad memories of that first Life Coaching weekend. What if it was terrible again? What if I were embarrassed again? On that fateful Friday, I saw Richard in the hallway; he looked great, like a friendly face from the past. We chatted for a moment and I began to feel calm, like ok, maybe this will be alright. As the clock ticked and the minutes passed I sat in my seat over thinking all of the reasons why I shouldn’t be in this class and why I should run out the door. Panic swooped over me and held me tight, I almost started crying. I felt like I would be exposed for being a fake and that I really wasn’t a life coach, I was a failure. I lied, I hadn’t dealt with my demons, I have been keeping those last secrets in my chest, holding them close to me heart so no one could see….I hadn’t earned the right to truly help others.

Class began and as Richard spoke I felt my panic beginning to ease, I felt that possibly this wasn’t going to be so bad. I felt myself starting to relax and actually enjoy the class. I was paired up with a fabulous coach and I will blog about that incident another day. Every single person I interacted with was amazing! I told myself going in that I am laying down all my cards and expect the best. I am looking for peace of mind and a true transformational experience. I approached each exercise like it was my last. I threw my heart and soul into each session I coached and dumped out the rest of my baggage for my coach. It was a win/win! I felt happy and hopeful. I felt like maybe this whole Life Coaching thing wasn’t so bad, maybe I could be a good coach. Ok, so maybe not that far yet but I was thinking about it.

As the weekend progressed I saw a different side of Richard, he wasn’t intimidating as he was inviting. He invited us, rather highly encouraged us to let it all go, to not be afraid and do the work ourselves first! He admitted his own short-comings, his own mistakes, and his own ego incidents. He appeared human and humble and not what I had made up in my mind. He was inspiring us to find faith in our selves and trust our God/Universe/Spirit to do the work with our clients. He coached us into getting into connection with Spirit and let it fill us up. We don’t have to have the answers, we only need the questions and if we have enough faith the right questions will appear. That is what a Transformational Life Coach is; someone who is open to their Higher Power, being present, and asking the questions the client needs to hear in order make profound change. Wow! I wasn’t in the right place to understand that the first time around. My goodness, Thank goodness I went to the class.

The last exercise of the weekend was the best, I won’t give away too many details but it involves blindfolds, the dark, and faith. Richard is a man of Spirit; he works in synchronization with the Divine. Like a watchful father he sees his children’s fear and he shares his own to demonstrate we are not alone. He is caring yet passionately driven to see his students reach their highest potential. He is tough yet advantageous. This part of the class was the missing puzzle piece I so desperately needed to experience. For the first time I had that “AH-A” moment. I felt Spirit for the first time in my life and as I did I realized that at this moment, nothing else mattered. Whatever we had done in the past is over. I faced my fear and was set free. I am finally free. We were all hugging, crying, talking about Spirit being in the house, and Divine appointments etc. Only this time I was doing most of the talking (smile). I got it, I finally got it.

Richard did something very surprising, he acknowledged my achievements in front of the class. He noticed I wasn’t just ‘in my head’.He saw how hard I had been working and that our class time was not in vain. I began my journey with him and for the most part I am ending with him. How grateful am I to have this teacher, this experience, in fact I am grateful for ALL of my teachers! I can’t believe how good I feel this week, it’s like night and day! In the coming weeks I will be writing about some of my other teachers and classmates and the impressions they have left on me.

Thank you Richard, blessings on your continued journey!

~Kristen

Next: Stepping up and Stepping Out…….

 

What Exactly is a Life Coach?

*This article is the first of a 3 part series regarding the Advanced Life Coaching Seminar I attended this past weekend at the South West Institute of Healing Arts (SWIHA) and the events leading up to it. This is a story of phenomenal spiritual growth and awareness that can occur when someone trusts their instincts and opens themselves up to possibilities of God/Universe/Spirit.*

When I first started Life Coaching many of my my friends asked me “What the heck is a Life Coach?”   I said “I’m not exactly sure… but I think it’s what I am supposed to be doing.” I owned an eyelash extension studio, in fact, I had just started the business but somehow I already knew I made a mistake. I showed up on a Friday night for the weekend intensive Life Coaching kick off. After listening to the facilitators talk about what Life Coaching was and how it would impact my life and how I will be changed forever it sounded pretty intriguing. My life was a complete mess at the moment, so I was game. We were divided into groups of 2 and I went through the weekend in a series of very uncomfortable exercises that involved asking “powerful” questions of my partner in order to find out where they had hidden obstacles or blocks in their life. Everyone was talking about these powerful questions, I kept asking myself “What does that mean, a powerful question? Am I the only person who doesn’t get this? What are powerful questions and how do I find them, are they on a list somewhere or something?”

Everyone seemed to know what to do and everyone I was paired up with was not very encouraging. Then we went through some very pleasant guided meditations so I really enjoyed that. I felt relaxed and thought ok well, this is kind of cool. I never really did that before, go through a guided meditation. It’s a form of hypnosis designed to quiet your mind and allow you to look deep within yourself. Then all of a sudden, people were crying, claiming “spiritual break-through” and enormous healing was taking place. Everyone was hugging, saying that God was in the house and all of this was a Divine appointment. All this excitement and people laughing and claiming to feel God and see God. I thought” Why would God be in a Life Coaching seminar? What did I stumble into? What did I get myself into?” I was NOT at all religious and barely had any spirituality about me, and I really didn’t care to try it on at the moment. I was actually kind of perturbed at the fact we were discussing “religion” at a public seminar.

Over all, it was a nice seminar. The facilitators’ were extraordinary in the fact I never heard this kind of talk before, it was a new way of learning things as they introduced a new perspective to life. Although I didn’t understand it all I was at least interested in hearing more. Something just kept telling me I had to be there. They really laid into the fact of having to have a spiritual base, a foundation of something to believe in greater than ourselves, that we were not created to be here alone, we are in Spirit always. I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist. We refer to God as God, Universe,Spirit, or GUS. They said “We are Spirits Beings having a Human Experience.” More religion, I thought, but it wasn’t SO bad. As Life Coaches, in their perspective, we need a spiritual balance because the answers for our clients  don’t come from us. During a coaching session the answers come from the client. We are simply a conduit, or a vessel for God/Spirit/The Universe to flow through us and work with the client. We just keep vigilant, or hold space, listen and be supportive. We ask open ended questions (found out that’s what “powerful” meant) designed to let the client look deep with in themselves to find their own answers. In coaching we believe the client holds all the answers for themselves. When working in a spiritual nature, we allow Spirit to be a part of the process allowing for the highest attainment of knowledge and assistance. Ok, that’s not so bad I guess, I began trying it on…a little.

The last exercise involved a small business portion where we had to work in groups of 3’s and pitch our Life Coaching business. We had to pretend we had a business card and do little 1 minute presentations to each other about why we would be great coaches. Ok cool, I’m a business owner this will be a breeze. So, I get in my group, made my presentation and this lady looked at me and said “That is the worst “sell” I have ever heard in my entire life. If you gave me your business card I would tear it up and throw it in the garbage. You’re terrible!” Alrighty then….maybe Life Coaching wasn’t in my future.

I did somehow find the courage to come back for the 10 week course and upon entering the class I saw someone in there I did not want to see. Someone I had a large problem with in the past. My head is reeling now, what is going on here? My teacher took the attitude with me that I was “in my head” and I think somewhere in his head at the time dismissed me as being potentially nuts. I felt like everyone was against me, everything just was an unpleasant experience and I had no idea why. I was uncomfortable, terrified, lonely, and unsure. So with that in mind I came back every week, twice a week still trying to figure out what powerful questions were and how I was going to change my life and others. All around me at school people kept talking about how amazing Life Coaching is and I looked at them in such dismay thinking What was so wonderful? What wasn’t I getting? Why are my sessions so stumbly? What is wrong with me?

What I didn’t know at the moment was that I was having a Spiritual Crisis. I had been operating my whole life with out any kind of spiritual foundation. I believed in God, that “someone” may have been up there, but I didn’t think He was for me. I felt like my crimes of the past were too severe for God, plus somewhere it didn’t make sense to me. I have never talked about religion or had any interest in it, really. I dabbled in a few things here or there but here, in this school, Spirit was everywhere, I was faced with the daily dilemma of hearing about it and the teachers bringing “It” into our class. I used to think “Can’t we do all this work with out God being involved?” Thank God that was one of the few times I decided NOT to voice my thoughts, I would have totally embarrassed myself.

Even though I had left Michigan 3 years prior and found sobriety, I had a whole lot of baggage that I needed to address and dismantle and the only way to do it was through Spirit. My husband lovingly pushed me along on this path, somewhere probably hoping that I would hear the message I needed to hear to finally get well. I wasn’t happy about being at SWIHA anymore; I felt rebellion building up in me and I was becoming angry at the thought of being there, talking about God and the Angels and Spirit guides and all that other stuff. I wasn’t getting along well in the class and started really disliking Life Coaching. I wasn’t making any friends and I began pulling myself back deeper with in my shell. I began feeling overwhelmed with sadness and guilt.

Little did I know what would happen next….

 

Sex Addiction

I know a woman whose husband has a sex addiction. Being all too familiar with addiction as it is, I was moved to ask some questions. Since addiction is my specialty I wanted to further interview her and understand the reality behind it, from both of their perspectives. I know that was a big buzz word in the 80’s suddenly everyone who seemingly couldn’t control their impulses cried out they have this addiction. It became a national phenomenon to be a sex addict and that was an instant “get out of jail free” card. Evangelists on television, politicians, actresses and actor’s began to appear on Good Morning America and even the Tonight Show bearing their souls to the world that the reason they got caught having an affair was because they were a sex addict. We were wooed into forgiving them…..really? How convenient, I thought, as I began to question my self and the nature of my own sexuality as compared to my other addictions. I thought, how can someone be addicted to sex; was it the act, the thrill of the chase, the fear of being caught, what was so addictive? Sure I love sex and with the right person it can be off the hook but an addict? What exactly makes one a sex addict?

Over all, addiction occurs when a void is not being fulfilled. There is something that the DOC (drug of choice) fills for the person that they don’t normally get elsewhere. It causes euphoria, stimuli, excitement, a rush, some kind of feeling that is unique to that individual. Most of us have something we really like a lot and wish we could do it all the time but have the means to control ourselves. But people with addictive behaviors and tendencies have a different chemical make up, and often outside influences occur such as opportunity, surroundings, and their own self esteem. Scientifically it begins in the Limbic System of the brain. The Limbic System contains the brain’s reward circuit – it links together a number of brain structures that control and regulate our ability to feel pleasure. Feeling pleasure motivates us to repeat behaviors such as eating – actions that are critical to our existence. The limbic system is activated when we perform these activities – and also by drugs of abuse. In addition, the limbic system is responsible for our perception of other emotions, both positive and negative, which explains the mood-altering properties of many drugs. It is a genetic predisposition to a certain feeling that triggers brain cells to respond favorably to that stimuli (1).

There are 2 kinds of addiction: physical and psychological. For instance for people using opiates and heroin it quickly becomes a physical addiction because the pain receptors in the brain become filled with the opiate and it feels so good. Then the brain begins it craves it and that causes severe physical responses such as withdrawals until the body receives the drug. Opiate addiction progresses at a startling rate regardless of whether or not the person wants the drug. Alcohol and other drugs such as benzodiazepine (benzos or xanax) can cause the same type of symptoms. Drugs like marijuana are more psychological; it causes psychological cravings and causes it’s user to think they need it. There really isn’t a physical dependency to it per say.

So then, what causes a person to be addicted to sex? My friend has been married for quite a while and they are in a 12 Step Program for it. She attends the “support” part of it like Alanon or Naranon,and she said the place was packed. Many there had partners that “fell off the wagon” during the holiday season. The pressure of the holidays, expectations, and money causes the sex addict to act just like an other ordinary addict to act. They go to their DOC to fill that void of what ever it is missing for them! Just like I used to do. I happen to volunteer time on a world wide website coaching individuals with any kind of addiction you can think of. They hooked me up with another website with a few members who had this particular issue. Right at the start they were very forthright! Most said it was the rush, the orgasm, that feeling of release, or relief. Sex triggered something in them that causes them to repeat that sensation over and over again, sometimes up to a dozen times a day with multiple partners. I was impressed; 12 times a day?

There was as many men as women; some as young as 18 others in their 60’s. I’d say about 20 percent didn’t have a sexual preference, it was just about the act and nothing more. Some of the women I spoke with were molested as children or sexually assaulted early in life. Some of the men said they didn’t receive any attention as children, they were abused or neglected and sex made them feel special, attractive, and wanted. That was another running undercurrent; the need to feel wanted and loved.

They know I am writing this article and every single one said that it is the most misunderstood of all the addictions and brings the most shame. They are racked with guilt, embarrassment, ridicule, very low self esteem and self worth. Most are single and multiple times divorced. They often have other addictions and disorders to coincide such as bulimia, anorexia, and cutting themselves. They have been casted out of their homes, family has abandoned them. One woman I spoke to said it is very hard to make friends and many doctors don’t buy it, she felt suicidal many times. I admit I was skeptical too but not anymore.

Having and developing normal healthy attitudes about sex are good, and when under the right circumstances it can be an amazing experience. But for some, it turns into a nightmare. If you or anyone you know has these symptoms (this is the general list) there is help available: Sex Addicts Anonymous https://saa-recovery.org/ is a 12 Step Program.

Signs and Symptoms of Sex Addiction:

• Sex dominates a person’s life
• Being pre-occupied with sexual thoughts and fantasy
• Excessive self-satisfaction
• Multiple partners, buying prostitutes, exchanging favors for sex
• Random, unprotected sex
• Anonymous partners
• Lack of intimacy
• The need to leave right after sex
• Can be narcissistic
• Multiple cell phones, computer user accounts, and bank accounts
• Phone sex, dating websites, cyber sex
• Not all, but some sex addicts can progress to becoming violent, demanding, and turn to criminal activities such as sexual harassment at work, rape, exposing themselves.

There were literally thousands on this site from all over the world: all nationalities, religions, and income levels. Just like with every other addiction no one is more special than the next. In my times of using/drinking I would have to say guilt and shame were my biggest obstacles, I would wake up in the morning just reeling with guilt for being so drunk the night before. I was so ashamed of myself for being a mom and me kids seeing me like that sometimes. For years I suffered with that. I would be so worried about what I said, what I did, was I in inappropriate? I had incredibly dangerous actions, drunk driving being the least, if you can imagine. We really aren’t any different then our fellow addict; be it booze, gambling, or sex. It’s a compulsion we can’t control and need help to get it under control.

There is so much in this world that we don’t know, thank God to those who open up and be honest so we do know!

Thank you, you know who you are!!

In Light,

~Kristen

1.http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/drugs-brain