WOW! This was very powerful for me~! Years of thought and figuring have been summed up in a matter of minutes. And I mean yyyeeeaaarrrsssss…..this has been the week of AWAKENING for Kristen. We go to a non-denominational church here in the valley every Sunday and the pastor had a very powerful message today, as always. He said that “We are the sum of all of our decisions”. We made a particular choice every step of the way in life to get to where we are right now! Every single step was made by us, calculated by us, decided by us, and fulfilled by us. “You are on the path to somewhere, when you are doing your path.”
I really let that set in. I can’t remember the exact analogy he used but it was similar to a man crossing the street and the series of events it took for this man to actually cross the street. Like taking a step, lifting one leg, then the other, turning right, turning left, etc. It was many small precise steps that equaled one large endeavor; crossing the street. He went on to say that is how our life is; we make very precise decisions to get to where we are today. To get from her to there, there is a series of events that have to taker place. There is no waking up and asking “How the hell did I get here?” We know…we know how we got there. Whether be it using drugs, stealing money, or being unfaithful we made every decision. Whatever it is You/I/We knew EXACTLY what we were doing each and EVERY step of the WAY. Even if we want to lie to ourselves and believe we were seduced or taken against our will, something happened in those events that we made a choice to be there, no matter how small. When we open ourselves up to even the smallest of opportunities we also open ourselves to the largest of circumstances. Good, bad, or indifferent.
I have been in SO many predicament’s asking myself repeatedly either catastrophically drunk or agonizingly hung over:
- How the hell did I get here?
- What the hell did I do to deserve this?
- What the F*** was I thinking?
- What is wrong with me?
- Why do I do this to myself?
- Why does everyone hate me?
- God has it in for me!!
Ok, I’ll admit, even when I was sober I still asked some of the same questions…I’d be so overwhelmed with either guilt or surprise that I’d look for anyTHING or anyONE to blame it on. I’d blame my parents, my childhood, my ex boyfriend, a teacher, a bystander – anything to save myself from the stark realization that I have been the total demise of my life. I couldn’t stand to bear the fact that I could do this to myself. What was my motivation?Why would I create such a cluster****!! So much darkness, so much pain, and so much self destruction….Why??
Well, for a long time I didn’t know. I’ll be honest up until Wednesday I still didn’t know. I thought I did, but after that hypnosis session on Wednesday I realized that it was the path I created was for my own lessons to learn, and the ultimate lesson was LOVE. In order for me to experience Love in it’s fullness and achieve the spiritual growth I desire, I had to work for it. Sometimes, the work is unpleasant yet everything worth having requires work we don’t quite want to do. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. I must have HUGE plans for myself in the Heavens after this life time because I tell you, I have done the work!
I’m ok with it now though, I Became Who I Decided To BE! I became HER in order to fulfill my life purpose. When I look back it all makes sense, and I have released the remaining parts of me that I was holding on to. I know this trip isn’t over but for the first time ever I am excited to be on it! I don’t worry like I used to. This week has changed me forever and for the good. I feel so grateful to be able to heal myself AND have a career that I can help others heal themselves! It’s a beautiful week!
I invite you to look at your life, what sense can you make of your it?
Who Did You Decide To Become?
March 2, 2014 at 2:10 PM
Wow, that is very to the point and it is a stark reality that we need to deal with in life. So often we do look at our life and say,”Well, how did I get here?” So much of my life I believed that the circumstances were out of my control, I liked to blame my situation on decisions forced on me by others.
Unfortunately I found out that was no where near the truth, my lack of decision making and me settling for the outcome was still me making a decision. And that decision was to remain unhappy until I decided to take control of my life. That is when shit got real!
Thanks again for sharing!
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March 2, 2014 at 2:20 PM
We both have discovered that “lack of action” is indeed “action” within itself. I’d like to think that a few of my life choices were pushed on me! I’d like to believe that a lot of my life’s decisions were because of someone else…! The S*** does get real when one day we wake up and look in the mirror and realize..all of this is because if us. While we may think it is a BAD place to be it is actually when we are at our clearest. We are actually clear in our sight of ourselves and then healing can begin. It can be so hard to be honest with ourselves and anyone but when we are….what a payoff!
Thank you for sharing and being open and honest, love!!