Fast forward just over a year, I’ve now completed the Life Coaching program, completed the Clinical Hypnotherapy program and successfully became an Ordained Minister! Yes, during the process of the past 18 months I took a course in Spiritual Studies and became a minister. Not a “holy” minister per say but more like a Celebrant, or a person who does their work from a spiritual sense. I now believe in a Higher Power. I was at such a crisis during my ordination because I had this intense Calling to do so, although I didn’t have a particular path to follow. My current teachers assured me that this was ok, it was on it’s way, and that I was at the point of a spiritual awakening. This is just an incredible twist! I was sitting in school last Spring in one of my psychology classes and I heard a voice that said “People need you, become ordained, it’s the only way you will be able to do it.” I kept saying “I’m not sure about my beliefs in God/Spirit! I think you have the wrong person here!” There was no way anyone or any Spirit would be asking ME to become ordained, I’m sorry. The only way I can explain it was afterwards a silent knowing had been placed inside me. Somehow I knew God/Spirit will speak to me again when the time is right and I will know the path to choose. I believe right now He is more interested in me developing my faith in Him, period.
A few weeks have past and there was some scuttle going around that my original teacher, Richard Seaman owner and creator of Seattle Life Coach Training, would be facilitating the Advanced Life Coaching class on this particular weekend at SWIHA. I looked at my schedule and breathed a sigh of relief! I had Reiki scheduled that weekend, no problem! I am off the hook! I was afraid of Richard, I allowed myself to be intimidated and I didn’t feel that I could be myself in his class. I know now it was because I was hiding myself. Several of my friends were anxiously chatting about Richard coming to teach the class and they wanted me to join them and I said “No, I have Reiki, sorry!” Secretly, I was smiling inside, thinking Thank God, I can’t face this right now. I can’t face Richard and have him know I have been a failure in my coaching. Not that he would care and make me feel bad, but my insecurities began to flow in like a river out of control. Fear welled up in my throat and I just wanted to run. I wanted to run as fast as I could from school and never come back. There were things I knew I had not addressed in school to heal from and they were holding me back, I knew this, I knew that they would be exposed in this class and I was not ready. I thought I could still have a successful business by not ‘coming clean’ all the way. See, if you don’t take care of your own stuff, how dare you think you can help someone with theirs. That is a coaching motto. I thought I did enough work so I could manage. I think I was wrong…
As the date crept closer, a school administrator and I were talking in another class when she mentioned to me that Richard would be coming back to teach. I told her about my Reiki class and how unfortunate the whole situation was and I couldn’t make it. She looked at me and said “Reiki comes around all the time, who cares!” She went on to say “Richard may not be coming back to teach this, you can take Reiki any old time.” Ugh. That shot through the heart and I almost choked on my own lack of air. This sickening feeling ensued me and I felt the world was slipping away. Horror grasped my body and I sat there suddenly realizing that I have to slay the beast! Not Richard but my fear. The next day I called my guidance counselor and reluctantly asked to be put on the list.
As the day drew closer I began to have anxiety, doubt, fear, pain, and bad memories of that first Life Coaching weekend. What if it was terrible again? What if I were embarrassed again? On that fateful Friday, I saw Richard in the hallway; he looked great, like a friendly face from the past. We chatted for a moment and I began to feel calm, like ok, maybe this will be alright. As the clock ticked and the minutes passed I sat in my seat over thinking all of the reasons why I shouldn’t be in this class and why I should run out the door. Panic swooped over me and held me tight, I almost started crying. I felt like I would be exposed for being a fake and that I really wasn’t a life coach, I was a failure. I lied, I hadn’t dealt with my demons, I have been keeping those last secrets in my chest, holding them close to me heart so no one could see….I hadn’t earned the right to truly help others.
Class began and as Richard spoke I felt my panic beginning to ease, I felt that possibly this wasn’t going to be so bad. I felt myself starting to relax and actually enjoy the class. I was paired up with a fabulous coach and I will blog about that incident another day. Every single person I interacted with was amazing! I told myself going in that I am laying down all my cards and expect the best. I am looking for peace of mind and a true transformational experience. I approached each exercise like it was my last. I threw my heart and soul into each session I coached and dumped out the rest of my baggage for my coach. It was a win/win! I felt happy and hopeful. I felt like maybe this whole Life Coaching thing wasn’t so bad, maybe I could be a good coach. Ok, so maybe not that far yet but I was thinking about it.
As the weekend progressed I saw a different side of Richard, he wasn’t intimidating as he was inviting. He invited us, rather highly encouraged us to let it all go, to not be afraid and do the work ourselves first! He admitted his own short-comings, his own mistakes, and his own ego incidents. He appeared human and humble and not what I had made up in my mind. He was inspiring us to find faith in our selves and trust our God/Universe/Spirit to do the work with our clients. He coached us into getting into connection with Spirit and let it fill us up. We don’t have to have the answers, we only need the questions and if we have enough faith the right questions will appear. That is what a Transformational Life Coach is; someone who is open to their Higher Power, being present, and asking the questions the client needs to hear in order make profound change. Wow! I wasn’t in the right place to understand that the first time around. My goodness, Thank goodness I went to the class.
The last exercise of the weekend was the best, I won’t give away too many details but it involves blindfolds, the dark, and faith. Richard is a man of Spirit; he works in synchronization with the Divine. Like a watchful father he sees his children’s fear and he shares his own to demonstrate we are not alone. He is caring yet passionately driven to see his students reach their highest potential. He is tough yet advantageous. This part of the class was the missing puzzle piece I so desperately needed to experience. For the first time I had that “AH-A” moment. I felt Spirit for the first time in my life and as I did I realized that at this moment, nothing else mattered. Whatever we had done in the past is over. I faced my fear and was set free. I am finally free. We were all hugging, crying, talking about Spirit being in the house, and Divine appointments etc. Only this time I was doing most of the talking (smile). I got it, I finally got it.
Richard did something very surprising, he acknowledged my achievements in front of the class. He noticed I wasn’t just ‘in my head’.He saw how hard I had been working and that our class time was not in vain. I began my journey with him and for the most part I am ending with him. How grateful am I to have this teacher, this experience, in fact I am grateful for ALL of my teachers! I can’t believe how good I feel this week, it’s like night and day! In the coming weeks I will be writing about some of my other teachers and classmates and the impressions they have left on me.
Thank you Richard, blessings on your continued journey!
Next: Stepping up and Stepping Out…….
January 31, 2014 at 7:45 AM
I can’t wait for the next entry! You had me on the edge of my seat! It was beautiful!
January 31, 2014 at 2:53 PM
Wow!!! You Rock Kristen! You are just a bright light shining:-))
January 31, 2014 at 5:25 PM
Thank you Janell! It’s been a fabulous experience and the best is yet to come…:)
February 1, 2014 at 4:51 AM
visit your blog, read an interesting article. thank you friends for sharing and greetings compassion 🙂
February 1, 2014 at 11:47 PM
Thank you Gede, for coming by and reading it!